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There is Never a “Right Time”

I have noticed in my 30-something years of life that New Year’s has had no real impact on me other than it was a new calendar year.  That is all.  I’ve done the whole using the New Year as an excuse to start something new only to have it fail because I had only thought of it days before the new year started.  That meant, I had no real, tangible way to achieve such goals especially the bigger ones.

I would say that five years ago I stopped trying to over do it with New Year’s resolutions.  I realized that life doesn’t happen the way we want or even the way we plan.  I don’t like holding myself to standards I know I won’t achieve unless I really put my mind to them.  I am loyal to a fault which means if these goals are going to work out, they are something I have had in the making for quite some time.  I had to gear myself in the direction I needed to go.  There was never going to be the “right time” to start anything and truthfully, there’s no time like the present.

I had two daughters that were never really planned.  The last one was certainly our biggest surprise and there was no real preparation that could happen.  I sold all of the baby clothes and items from the third baby and wound up having to purchase it all over again.  That put a huge damper on the financial goals we had.  We had quite a bit of doctor appointments and surgeries this year too.  Another dent on the pocketbook.  No matter what happens, no matter how hard we strive to make things happen, sometimes they just don’t.  This is why I don’t force things to happen for New Year’s any more.  The only thing about New Years I’m thankful for is that I get to live another year with my family.  That is my goal, my real goal.

So tonight I’m spending my New Years just how I had always imagined it.  Call me an old soul but I always did crave just snuggling up, watching the boob-tube, relaxing, and monitoring the kids with their shenanigans.  This is what I’ve always wanted and tonight, I absolutely have that.  Tonight, I have what I’ve always dreamt of!  And I couldn’t be more nostalgic.

I don’t want to pressure myself any more.  I want to work on myself and that isn’t something I can achieve in a year.  I’ve done so much damage to myself that it will take years to recover from my choices.  I am ok with that.  I am ok with taking the time necessary for me to really heal.  I’m ok with just being a family with a few good friends.  I don’t want to be busy with the hustle and bustle of trying to party with friends, or have get togethers, or really doing anything outside my norm.  I have integrated my Darcy’s Doodles over a period of time and when God allows it to happen, it will happen and it will be more natural than anything.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be working hard for my goals.  I always do and if this venture doesn’t pan out, then I will find something new to dive into.

Now that I’ve gotten older I truly respect the saying, “As I get older, the more I realize I enjoy peace and quiet, a few good friends, and health.”  No, I don’t think that’s what the saying really says verbatim, but it’s close enough.  I enjoy stability.  I’ve lived enough to know that forcing things to happen only makes things seem more chaotic, out of control, and that much more disappointing in the end should it not work out.  I’m tired of the dismay so why not set myself up for success no matter the outcome?  Why don’t I just get myself to a point where it’s ok and I’m ok should I fail?  I think that’s my goal for years to come.  What about you?

2 thoughts on “There is Never a “Right Time”

  1. “I’ve lived enough to know that forcing things to happen only makes things seem more chaotic, out of control, and that much more disappointing in the end should it not work out.”

    Tell that to my mom! She says you have to force everything! Because otherwise nothing would get done!

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    1. Well, to be honest there are things we have to force ourselves to do. For some of us, we force ourselves to put one foot in front of the other while others overly stress to the point of meltdowns thinking it will get them somewhere good.

      I’m mostly speaking of the latter portion of force. I don’t want to push myself too hard like I used to to make things happen right away. Long term goals require dedication, mindfulness of how we can achieve them, hard work, knowing when to let go of certain things we can’t control, etc. I know myself well enough to know that if I want my long term goals I must be mindful of the fact that I won’t get there as quickly as I’d like and that I have to take my time getting there, no need to rush. I have plenty of life to live and even if I died tomorrow, I’d die knowing I was on the right track and never gave up.

      Now, if you’re still living under your parent’s roof, well, I very much understand the “force” she may be speaking of. I have four children and I would have to say I have to force them to do chores, per say, because they need to learn how to care for themselves. Mom and dad won’t be around forever to do things for them. The only way to be independent is to learn it and no better teacher than your parents. It’s in a child’s nature to rebel, to take advantage of what parents do for them. I was once a child myself. I remember dreading having to do responsibilities before anything fun. I always thought it was useless for me to do it when they did it most of the time. Now that I’m a parent? I now understand that if some things don’t get done we often misplace things, we get crowded, we get hurt, we are late for things if laundry hasn’t been done, we can’t eat because there aren’t clean dishes, we smell odorous again because laundry isn’t done and we can’t just go buy new clothes because guess what? We have bills, bills that are vital to our very being (food, water, shelter) and let’s face it, wages in America and it’s cost of living are not ideal for a “comfortable” budget for most of its citizens so having clean clothes and dishes are a luxury or a privilege, one that shouldn’t be taken advantage of.

      To you, my friend, thank you for reading and taking time out of your day for me. Maybe one day you’ll realize the difference in force for every day and force for long term. Good luck, many well wishes, and a happy new year to you!
      P.S. It gets better, I promise 🥰

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