I have noticed in my 30-something years of life that New Year’s has had no real impact on me other than it was a new calendar year. That is all. I’ve done the whole using the New Year as an excuse to start something new only to have it fail because I had only thought of it days before the new year started. That meant, I had no real, tangible way to achieve such goals especially the bigger ones.
I would say that five years ago I stopped trying to over do it with New Year’s resolutions. I realized that life doesn’t happen the way we want or even the way we plan. I don’t like holding myself to standards I know I won’t achieve unless I really put my mind to them. I am loyal to a fault which means if these goals are going to work out, they are something I have had in the making for quite some time. I had to gear myself in the direction I needed to go. There was never going to be the “right time” to start anything and truthfully, there’s no time like the present.
I had two daughters that were never really planned. The last one was certainly our biggest surprise and there was no real preparation that could happen. I sold all of the baby clothes and items from the third baby and wound up having to purchase it all over again. That put a huge damper on the financial goals we had. We had quite a bit of doctor appointments and surgeries this year too. Another dent on the pocketbook. No matter what happens, no matter how hard we strive to make things happen, sometimes they just don’t. This is why I don’t force things to happen for New Year’s any more. The only thing about New Years I’m thankful for is that I get to live another year with my family. That is my goal, my real goal.
So tonight I’m spending my New Years just how I had always imagined it. Call me an old soul but I always did crave just snuggling up, watching the boob-tube, relaxing, and monitoring the kids with their shenanigans. This is what I’ve always wanted and tonight, I absolutely have that. Tonight, I have what I’ve always dreamt of! And I couldn’t be more nostalgic.
I don’t want to pressure myself any more. I want to work on myself and that isn’t something I can achieve in a year. I’ve done so much damage to myself that it will take years to recover from my choices. I am ok with that. I am ok with taking the time necessary for me to really heal. I’m ok with just being a family with a few good friends. I don’t want to be busy with the hustle and bustle of trying to party with friends, or have get togethers, or really doing anything outside my norm. I have integrated my Darcy’s Doodles over a period of time and when God allows it to happen, it will happen and it will be more natural than anything. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be working hard for my goals. I always do and if this venture doesn’t pan out, then I will find something new to dive into.
Now that I’ve gotten older I truly respect the saying, “As I get older, the more I realize I enjoy peace and quiet, a few good friends, and health.” No, I don’t think that’s what the saying really says verbatim, but it’s close enough. I enjoy stability. I’ve lived enough to know that forcing things to happen only makes things seem more chaotic, out of control, and that much more disappointing in the end should it not work out. I’m tired of the dismay so why not set myself up for success no matter the outcome? Why don’t I just get myself to a point where it’s ok and I’m ok should I fail? I think that’s my goal for years to come. What about you?